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So….I may have overdone it today

11:15pm. May 8th 2014. About to meditate and then head to bed. 

How I’m feeling: Not so great. I’m exhausted. 

Today was a really great day – but I may have overdone it. Ok, I definitely overdid it.

I had an early start with breakfast with some of my favourite ladies Sami, Lannie and Lucia, caught up with my friend Will for a few minutes, walked around a little bit to kill some time before meeting with my friend Alice to have a cup of tea and then had high tea at the Windsor Arms Hotel with my siblings and mom to celebrate Mama Van – an early Mother’s Day celebration!

I know – the above doesn’t sound like much at all. It wasn’t – but my body and mind are constantly working to deal with and fight this cancer off that I’m not left with very much energy at all. I’m still having such a difficult time accepting the fact that I get tired from practically doing nothing. I’m also learning what my seemingly constantly changing limits are every single day.

When I got home, I passed out and napped for a couple of hours and woke up still exhausted. I have a terrible headache right now and am just overall not feeling so great. There was so much more I wanted to get done today.

You know, often I get the “Wow – you look so great. I wouldn’t have been able to tell that you’re going through what you’re going through” In fact, I got that a few times today. The truth is that sometimes I even fool myself as well. While it’s good for keeping my spirits up – I can’t let myself forget that I now have so many things to consider and be careful of constantly. It’s a lot and really just overwhelming.

On a very much so related note, I want you all to read this piece called “The Spoon Theory”. It’s really important to me that you do – for me, for you and for the sake of anyone else in your life (especially young people) whom are going through a situation that may be similar to mine. The website this article is on is appropriately called “But You Don’t Look Sick”. A friend of mine whom can actually relate to what I’m going through passed this along to me and I so happy she did! The Spoon Theory has been the best explanation of what it feels like to live with a disability or sickness I’ve come across so far. I have had a difficult time explaining to those around me what it’s like to be me right now. And while unless you go through what I’m going through and you’re me, you will never quite understand – this piece does a pretty damn good job at providing a small glimpse in to it!

“Most people start the day with unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions” – Christine M., ButYouDontLookSick.com 

Here are some photos from my day:

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Mama Van and her 3 Cs – Cathy, moi, Christopher.

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What I made for dinner. Soba noodles, cucumber, carrot, marinated tofu, almond sauce, toasted sesame seeds, avocado. I later added crushed peanuts and bean sprouts.

 

2 replies »

  1. I feel so honoured that you shared one of your spoons with me today. I love you and am amazed by your courage and attitude about all of this. Also – you really did look great.

    • 🙂 Love you. Thanks so much for your support. Your bracelet really does lend a hand in reminding me to really try to embrace this experience – and to allow the lessons to flood in throughout every step of this journey.

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