10:46pm. Monday October 13th 2014.
How I’m feeling: Still really tingly and giggly happy from my time in New York. It was I-N-C-R-E-D-I-B-L-E. A very special shout out to Chris for being just….amazing. I’m trying to hold on to this feeling and not allow my anxiety and fear kick in for tomorrow. Now that I’m done the GDP chemotherapy cycle, my stem cells are ready to be collected.
A quickie video post:
Happy Thanksgiving for those of you who celebrate it! If you don’t you should, everyday. Practice gratitude every.single.day.
Honestly, my life has been quite rough. This s#!% is really rough. I’m sad to be back home in Toronto because it also means that I’m back to this reality. What I experienced in NYC was a real treat. I have not had a few consecutive days where I’ve been medical appointment/chemo treatment-free or wasn’t in rough shape recovering from a treatment/procedure – since I was diagnosed back in March 2014. It was important for me to escape before things get even more intense. And that’s about to start tomorrow.
And even still – throughout all of this – for every one single $#!tty thing I’ve experienced. For every one single thing there is to be sad, uncertain, insecure and upset about, I can think of at least 10 things to be happy and grateful for. Some days are tougher to do so, and some are easier. But the latter always outweighs the former.
I have f#$@ing cancer. I’m currently on plan B of treatment because plan A didn’t work. My life has taken a complete 180 degree turn – in every single way possible. My brain is sometimes fuzzy. My ability to be as physically active as I used to be has been(temporarily) taken away from me. I haven’t been able to work since March. I’ve lost some friends and relationships have dwindled. Everything around me is spinning – including me.
But guess what? I can write pages and pages and pages of things I’ve gained throughout all of this so far. More so accurately, things I’ve chosen to see as gains.
Life is beautiful. Really beautiful. It has been quite the experience to watch and feel things just…fall together. Life has it’s interesting (and sometimes yes, questionable) ways in sorting things out. The other day I’ve come to the conclusion that I think it has our best interests in mind.